kgautreaux/blog

An ocean of noise

Does your alpha-adrenergic blocker punish your prostate?

Drug advertisements have become increasingly inane. Not that they were really ever nane per se but lately it seems that drug companies have realized that the same methods that sold metric tons of Viagra to American males suffering emasculation from every aspect of modern life can work to sell medicines that don't (necessarily) give you erections.

Plavix will totally waterboard your platelets into submission! It will pimpslap your platelets around like they're a ho that owes you your money. With Plavix you're manlier than some tiny clot that is giving you crushing substernal chest pain right now and will eventually lead to your death. With Plavix, you won't have to stop watching football because you're having a heart attack.

Here's to men! Men, Flomax will put a severed horse head in the bed where your prostate sleeps. Flomax will go to the mattresses against your prostate. No longer will you have to pee sitting down like a wee girl. Now your golden stream of concentrated manliness will gush forth from your urethra like a nitrogenous Niagara Falls.

How could you call yourself a real man and NOT be taking Flomax? Flomax is your wingman broseph. He will take one for the team, amend his "No-fatties" rule, and totally bang that hot chick's ugly friend for you. You know, the one they call mini-van? Flomax would do that for you dude because, to Flomax, "Bros before hos" is not just a phrase that rhymes, it's a mantra.

By the way, Flomax is sorry he caused you a decrease in semen. He's contrite, ya heard?